Rage on Page 3..

‘What’s strange about Great Britain, the land of good manners and an internationally revered Royal family? Tits in the paper!!’…I heard an Australian stand-up announce. His observational comedy hit the nail on the head. How did that ever come about? My occasional pontification over why does page 3 exist always came down to the same answer, because it’s always been there, certainly all my life time, and because Cosmo occasionally did a naked male centrefold, that evens it up, right?

Whatever I say on this topic it will never be quite a rounded and detailed as THIS ONE however while Mumsnet debated whether to back this campaign I have to confess I thought this was already a given. I recall it was MP Stella Creasy at Mumsnet Blogfest 2012 who at the end of her talk on ‘blogging and human rights’ urged everyone to back No more page 3. However, reading the debate on mumsnet (HERE) as to whether they should back No More Page 3, there are those who think there are bigger battles we, as ladies, should focus on. I disagree. I could whittle through all the reasons why Page 3 should be banned, however, this has been done beautifully HERE and it would take me all day to list the various feminist battles we should all get behind, even just a list of links to a fraction of them would take too long! Two women a week die in Britain as a result of domestic violence to list just one tragic and harrowing issue affecting women in England today.

However, why is no more Page 3 just a feminist issue? It’s created primarily for men and the main reason I back this is because I have sons, it is for them as well as the ladies that I want there to be No More Page 3. I don’t want them to think it is acceptable to portray unrealistic and unattainable images purely of women, in a newspaper that cites itself as a ‘family publication’. I balk as I write this but lads mags and pornography (some would say these are the same) all have their place and they target their demographic accordingly and as much I hate to admit it a time will come, when my sons are old enough, ok I’m a realist, when they want to, they will no doubt obtain pornography. However, the stop gap before them being able to obtain should not be in a ‘family’ newspaper.

To ban page 3 would be a minuscule victory in the grand scheme of things but just think of the precedent it would set. The momentum it would create in support of those bigger battles; to put an end to onesided and degrading images of women being rammed down our throats at every opportunity.

It would boost other brilliant campaigns like THIS ONE to put an age rating on music videos. I have a 2 year old who cannot talk yet, however, he can already proficiently navigate an iPad and already I have to monitor what he brings up on Youtube. Did I say he couldn’t talk yet, and actually he’s not even 2 ’til next month. It would also help to us to highlight how wrong these archly body-focused celebrity gossip magazines are, who flay women of a certain appearance alive, on a weekly basis. Don’t even get me started on the general expected appearance of catwalk and photography models. This is just the tip of the iceberg and it deserves our full support.

So in the interests of presenting solutions not problems what could replace the current photography found on Page 3?

Well, we could leave the scantily clad lady there however, place a naked man next to her. Topless doesn’t count. Men can walk the streets topless, ladies cannot. At least that way the shameless exploitation and projection of the unrealistic and unattainable would be fair. Wait a second, that’s just craziness and a giant step backwards: the answer is not ‘lets exploit the men too’.

If we go for the base, stereotypical assumption that it’s for men, then lets embrace that stereotype. How about a nice page of cars, tools, DIY tips or man-sheds. Or how about some family friendly titilation: a serialised rogues gallery of Esther Rantzen-style amusing shaped vegetables – a knobbly celeriac with phallic qualities would certainly assure my dedicated readership! Or should not to make it too drastic, how about some images of naked ladies that I would happily let my boys look at all day long: Botticelli’s ‘Birth of Venus’ or Manet’s ‘Olympia’?

I can’t but feel that since The Sun obviously loves ladies so much, as a gesture to correct the years of one-sided mis-representation, they simply hand page 3 over the feminists for them to highlight the key issues affecting women, that are still being ignored.

I know I am making light of it and I do this because I am yet to be presented with a legitimate argument to keep Page 3. In a modern age attempting to achieve equality it has no place. So in keeping with the level of the preposterous absurdity, I propose a sensible and swift resolution: invite Harry Hill to resolve this matter by getting him to dress David Dinsmore as a giant willy, obviously, and a ‘No more Page 3′ campaign founder Lucy Holms as a giant boob, and invite them onto the TV burp set by yelling FIGHT! Mr Dinsmore, prepare to be crushed.

Sign the petition here

Sign the music video rating petition here

Go and see this amazing and award winning play ‘No More Page 3′ at Finsbury park theatre – BOOK TICKETS HERE

Mothers milking it..for vouchers

So the latest idea to get women breastfeeding (as announced this morning by the BBC- link this) is a pilot scheme offering new mums in parts of Sheffield and Chesterfield £200 worth of shopping vouchers if they succeed in breastfeeding for the first 6 months of their child’s life. 

To loosely break it down: a mum will receive £120 of vouchers after breast feeding her baby for 6 weeks with a £80 on completing 6 months. It reads in a similar fashion to my sales commission structure from my days as a recruitment consultant. Breastfeeding with perks, who knew? What about health insurance, a petrol allowance and option to join company discount DVD scheme, very handy with Christmas coming. 

Firstly I do not share the ‘breast is best’ one-shoe-fits-all thinking that polarises mother’s discussions on an international scale. I think there are many situations where breast is not best, and I firmly believe that every woman makes an informed choice about whether or not it is right for her and her baby. However, I am never going to criticise anyone for proactively wanting to do something to get women breast feeding, however it did make me think about my own experience. 

I recall the ‘breast is best’ standard issue NHS DVD I was given in my Bounty pack on booking into my local hospital when 3 months pregnant. It showed interviews of breastfeeding mothers, including one who cited her reason for breast feeding her 3rd child was because her friends were doing it. I have to say I didn’t find the argument that breastfeeding would equate to social merit a compelling one, in fact the only thing I felt compelled to do was to launch said DVD across the room, I felt so outrageously patronised. 

I breastfed both my children with varying degrees of failure and success. I recall the agony of just 3 days after the birth of my first child, having to contend with stitches that required a return trip to hospital AND bleeding nipples because I was couldn’t get my latch right. At that precise moment in time, had someone approached me with a handful of shopping vouchers as motivation to soldier on, I would have cheerfully dismantled the bone structure of their nasal passages.  

What would have helped me at the time whilst flooded with the feeling of total inadequacy at my inability to feed my child, already confounded by the fact I’d not had quite the tranquil birth experience I’d wanted, all whilst perched on one miserable buttock? Not a Matalan voucher, that’s for sure. 

I am fortunate that I had the funds that get a lactation consultant round who pointed out that I’d been given bad advice and in under an hour quite simply fixed my latch. However, my next struggle came when attempting to do it in public. I had one of those shawls which protected my modesty but also meant I couldn’t see what I was doing and neither could my baby. The upshot of it all was that after 6 weeks I started expressing and bottle feeding which I did for the next 4 months until I reaslised it was in my best interests psychologically, to stop.

So when I was expecting my second son I decided that if I couldn’t manage to happily breast feed then, in the name of maintaining my sanity, I would be switching to formula without so much as a guilt trip in site. I had also, very subtly I hasten to add, conducted my own study, and come to the realisation that actually when a baby is attached to your chest, unless you have your entire boob on display there really isn’t much to see and generally (apart from one hilarious incident) people are far too embarrassed to clock your boobs anyway. So it was with confidence I conducted my first feed in public, sat over looking the skating rink at Broadgate Circle, at lunch time surrounded by approximately 80,000 city workers none of whom batted an eyelid. I can only apologise if that sounds like a stealth brag but I hope it demonstrates the journey I had to travel on, to nail it.

Ultimately it all came down to support. Having someone there who could show me how to do it. The whole doing it in public thing, well lets face it, that comes down to society in general's acceptance of breastfeeding in public. 

Is it really groundbreaking that cafes and shops are now bearing stickers on their doors declaring that ‘breastfeeding is welcome’? Forgive my cynicism that a restaurant should declare that the act of feeding someone is welcome, in a restaurant you say? Whatever next, drinking in coffee shops? What is this madness. Forgetting my dim and narrow view point, I hasten to add that the Breastfeeding ambassadors, who take the time to go and talk to these establishments and distribute said stickers are incredible, and are single handedly breaking down the ridiculous brain washed, squeamish barriers that surround our views about breastfeeding. 

So what is the solution? 

More resources are needed to help women do it in the first place. It is a false assumption that it should be painless and easy. It’s hard, it does require perseverance but I don’t know anyone who decided not to do it because they just didn’t fancy it (although this lady didn’t do her demographic any favours). If the help was there then there isn’t a lactating lady I know who wouldn’t bite said helpful hand clean off. Picture this: a new arrivals ward at a hospital with a matriarchal army of ladies there to hold your hand (or left boob in my case) until you get it right. The breastfeeding counsellor on the ward of my hospital took 2 days to find me by which point my nipples were skin free. This is where the money should be spent surely? Or am I being self indulgent to suggest they spend the money on making a new and less patronising ‘breast might be best’ DVD?

I am not saying that incentivising is terrible idea that won’t work though, because there is another compelling argument to be considered. The UK has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in western Europe. I cannot even begin to imagine the social pressures of being a teen mum. In this demographic I can understand and forgive any squeamishness about breastfeeding (as a teenager, my very being made me squeamish) So is offering vouchers speaking in a language a young mum in a deprived area can understand? There is a strong chance that it is and while I might scoff at effectiveness of a John Lewis voucher, £200 is still a lot of money and it’s not cash, it will be spent on food and clothing of any (who cares!) description. Likewise if this did reach out to struggling single parent families then surely so what if it is incentivising, it’s working. 

If it was successful in swaying just a tiny handful of mums to come round to the fact that, if you are able, then breastfeeding is actually ok. One tiny knock on effect (or should that be knocker) would make this scheme a resounding success. Where and if possible breastfeeding should be the norm. I watch and wait with great anticipation.